Restoring a Marriage after an Affair
Adultery and Restoring Your Marriage
It’s happened. It was the last thing either of you could ever have imagined could happen to you. During more than twenty-five years of helping hundreds of couples avoid this catastrophic marriage event, I have found several critical concepts that are making it possible to restore your marriage. I have helped couples struggling with the fallout and pain of something similar to what you are going through. I can understand this must be a tumultuous time. Most likely the most vulnerable time in both of your lives. A time when you are desperately looking for the hand of a helping confidant you can trust.
Having worked with many couples over the years I have learned countless, invaluable lessons about what works and what doesn’t. I have come to realize there is never just one way, but rather countless ways to deal with emotional pain. And yes, there are ways to restore a marriage after an affair. Even if the marriage is thought to be at the point of no return.
Advice for the Spouse Committing the Affair
As caring, Christian marriage counselors, we seek to provide compassionate help to couples with whatever struggles they are dealing with, including adultery, which seems to be rampant today. It is important to understand that adultery can occur in marriages for a wide range of reasons. These reasons may include sexual temptation, boredom, jealousy, loneliness, and general unhappiness.
By engaging with another person outside your marriage, whether it be sexual activity, or engaging emotionally by sharing affection with another, you are putting your spouse, yourself, and your children at risk of severe emotional, mental and physical anguish that can destroy your marriage and family.
Engaging in adultery is not only harmful to your marriage but it is also forbidden by God as a sin against Him and one’s spouse (Hebrews 13:4). It is self-destructive (Proverbs 6:32). And if there are children, they are at risk of a devastating future. But, the good news is that restoring a marriage after an affair is possible, with God’s help. In fact, not only can your marriage survive an affair, but your marriage can become even stronger than it was before the crisis. “Nothing is impossible with God,” (Luke 1:37).
Advice for the Spouse Suffering the Betrayal
Your spouse has had an affair, whether a physical affair or an emotional affair, you may find yourself experiencing a sense of denial at first, followed by feelings of betrayal, anger, frustration, and despair. You’ll likely at some point also experience feelings of shock, grief, despair, helplessness, fear, anxiety, and hopelessness. Depression and stress can often even lead to physical illness.
You may feel that it’s your fault and blame yourself. This is rarely ever the case and it is important that you not jump to such unproven conclusions. Sometimes a spouse who has committed adultery will say it happened because you were not meeting their needs. As a result, he or she looked to someone else. But regardless of what a “cheating” spouse says the reason is, it is they who decided to engage in the affair. Regardless of what your spouse attributes the affair to, he or she may come to understand and take responsibility for what happened and why.
If your spouse and you are both willing to be open and honest about your feelings and actions and are willing to seek professional Professional Christian help, then we can work with you to restore your marriage. We have been helping couples like you since 2003.
Perhaps you just recently discovered that your spouse is or has been having an affair. Maybe you’ve suspected it for quite some time. You may have been looking through some of your spouse’s belongings and found information revealing the affair.
Restoring the Marriage
It is possible to restore a marriage and relationship after an affair. The restoration requires time, willingness, and a lot of work. Serious consideration must be given to these factors:
- Is the spouse who committed adultery willing to completely and immediately end the adulterous relationship?
- Are you both willing to participate in a Christian marriage restoration program to help you communicate, work through underlying issues, and repair damaged emotions?
- Is the partner who cheated willing to accept full responsibility for those actions?
- Are both of you willing to put in the intensive effort needed to repair the hurt and move forward?
It is God’s will for you to remain committed exclusively to each other for life. When sin separates you from that commitment, remember, no sin is ever bigger than God’s grace. Confess and ask His forgiveness by faith (1 John 1:9). Participate in an intensive Christian Marriage Retreat program specifically addressing the issues related to infidelity. The program will guide and engage you in dialogue to help each of you heal from your emotions. And ultimately show you the pathway to a restored marriage. For additional information or assistance please feel free to contact one of our Professionals, Counselors, or Coaches at (832) 334-3776 and request your FREE 30-minute consultation.