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Restoring a Marriage after an Affair

Roy Milam

Adultery and Your Marriage – Advice for the Spouse Who Had the Affair

As a caring, Christian marriage counselors, we seek to provide compassionate help to couples with whatever struggles they are dealing with, including such that are as serious as adultery.  It is important to understand that adultery can occur in marriages for a wide range of reasons including sexual temptation, boredom, jealousy, loneliness and general unhappiness.  By engaging with another person outside your marriage, whether it be sexual activity,  or engaging emotionally  by sharing affection with another, you are putting your spouse, yourself and your children at risk of severe emotional,  mental and physical anguish that can destroy your marriage and family.

Engaging in adultery is not only harmful to your marriage, but it is forbidden by God as a sin against Him and one’s spouse (Hebrews 13:4).  It is self-destructive (Proverbs 6:32). And if there are children, they are at risk of a devastating future. But, the good news is that restoring a marriage after an affair is possible, with God’s help. In fact, not only can your marriage survive an affair, but your marriage can become even stronger than it was before the crisis.  “Nothing is impossible with God,” (Luke 1:37).

When Your Spouse Is Unfaithful

If your spouse has an affair, whether a physical affair or an emotional affair, you may find yourself experiencing a sense of denial at first, followed by feelings of betrayal, anger, frustration, and devastation.  You may also experience feelings of shock, grief, despair, helplessness, fear,  anxiety, and hopelessness.  Depression and stress can often lead to physical illness.

You may feel that it’s your fault and blame yourself. This is rarely ever the case and it is important that you not jump to such unfounded conclusions.  Sometimes  a spouse who has committed adultery will say that it happened because you were not meeting their needs and so he or she looked to someone else. But regardless what a “cheating” spouse says the reason was, it is they who made the decision to engage in the affair. may Regardless of what your spouse attribute the affair to, it is very possible that he or she will come to understand and take responsibility for what happened and why.  If your  spouse and you are both willing to be open and honest about your feelings and actions, and are willing to seek professional Christian marriage help  then healing and restoration of your marriage can be an achievable outcome.

Restoring the Marriage

It is possible to restore a relationship after an affair, but it requires time, willingness, a lot work.  Serious consideration must be given to these factors:

  • Is the spouse who committed adultery willing to completely and immediately end the adulterous relationship?
  • Are you both willing to participate in a Christian marriage restoration program that can help you communicate, work through underlying issues and repair damaged emotions?
  • Is the partner who cheated willing to accept full responsibility for those actions?
  • Are both of you willing to put in the intensive effort needed to repair the hurt and move forward?

It is God’s will for you to remain committed exclusively to each other for life.  When sin separates you from that commitment, remember, no sin is ever bigger than God’s grace, if you will confess and ask His forgiveness by faith, ( 1 John 1:9).  Participating in a Christian, marriage intensive program that specifically addresses the issues related to infidelity can help guide and engage you in a dialogue that will help each of you to heal from the hurt, anger, guilt and pain, and show you the pathway to a restored marriage.

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Testimonials

Audrey M.

“Without a doubt, this weekend saved my marriage. In fact, it saved my life. After 27 years of marriage, I was ready to quit. I was not sure I even wanted to go to the weekend retreat. Praise God that I did. We had been hurting each other for so many years and had no… Read more “Audrey M.”

Anonymous 3

“This weekend was the best decision my husband and I ever made. Recovering from an affair was something I wasn’t sure was possible, considering all the marital issues we had before it. This weekend gave me the power to forgive my spouse. I have totally recommitted my life to God as well. My husband and… Read more “Anonymous 3”

Anonymous 2

The marriage retreat that we attended by Cornerstone at a time of need was truly a amazing experience. It reassured us that we had to put the Lord first to insure our marriage would survive. “I can do all thing through Him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13” The program that was put on by Roy… Read more “Anonymous 2”

Steve Wriggle

“Roy and Sue Milam of Cornerstone Marriage & Family Ministries faithfully served at Grace Community Church for ten years. They developed and implemented a marriage and family ministry at our church and organized a team of individuals to support and carry out the work. Roy and Sue conducted ongoing marriage skill classes and worked with… Read more “Steve Wriggle”

Grace Community

First-Hand Accounts From Those Rescued

We were on the road to a possible divorce. It was a marriage that was complacent, unloving and uncaring. We had been unable unable to work out issues, and we had definitely lost that “loving feeling”. Growing up in  church, with a strong faith in God, I never thought I needed marriage counseling. This was… Read more “First-Hand Accounts From Those Rescued”

Denny Dillon

We recently hosted “Keeping Love Alive,” a marriage enrichment seminar presented by Roy and Sue Milam of Cornerstone Marriage and Family Ministries. Roy and Sue’s practical insights and transparency had a profound effect on our couples. They spoke from a wealth of understanding and personal experience that hit the issues our couples were facing head-on.… Read more “Denny Dillon”

Jared S.

“We’ve been married 8 years. If you’d asked me a week ago, “Where do you see yourself in a week?” I would have said, “In a very nasty divorce ruining the lives of our two beautiful children” Instead, I will be able to share with friends and family this amazing weekend and this amazing journey… Read more “Jared S.”

Ashley S.

“This weekend was the best decision my husband and I ever made. Recovering from an affair was something I wasn’t sure was possible, considering all the marital issues we had before it. This weekend gave me the power to forgive my spouse. I have totally recommitted my life to God as well. My husband and… Read more “Ashley S.”

Enrica K.

My husband and I had been separated for two months when he asked me to go with him to this retreat. We had tried a couple of counseling sessions during the time of our separation, but we had not felt comfortable at all, and achieved nothing. We live in New York City, and I thought… Read more “Enrica K.”

Anonymous 9

“God is so good! He is working in our marriage and we are seeing a remarkable difference. I know now, beyond any doubt that I am blessed with such a wonderful wife. Our relationship has been so much better and we’re much closer than in the past. Last week we had a wonderful anniversary celebration.… Read more “Anonymous 9”

Katie M.

Lack of communication caused built up resentments which led to anger and eventually the breakdown of our marriage. My husband began to do drugs to cope, and I began to drink. Our teenage daughter was desperately trying to escape our wrecked family. On a Sunday, after 15 years of marriage I told my husband I… Read more “Katie M.”

Angie O.

“After 18 years of marriage, my husband and I had so many walls built up between us that we weren’t sure if our marriage would survive. This gave us the opportunity to break those walls down in a constructive way. We can now start fresh in our marriage and experience the fullness of God intended.… Read more “Angie O.”

Linda W.

Our Marriage Renewal Weekend with Cornerstone was the best thing that ever happened to us and our marriage. We had been to counseling two different times, but what we learned on our weekend greatly surpassed all of it. The weekend saved our marriage. We now have tools to help us through struggles and trials we… Read more “Linda W.”

Anonymous 6

“Thank you for your ministry and for giving us hope and “how to’s” and thank you for helping me realize that divorce is not the answer. I looked at my kids today and cried with gratitude that they got back the Daddy they have always loved.”

Larry K.

“In the middle of a nasty divorce, 33 weeks pregnant, with a 2-year old at home, we were given the tools to restore a marriage that had become so miserable and full of hate and resentment that I was willing to do anything, just so I could tell my kids someday that I tried everything… Read more “Larry K.”

Anonymous 1

“Our relationship had become cold and we barely communicated with each other anymore. I learned how to better meet my wife’s needs. I realized that I need to follow God’s plan. I surrendered my life to Jesus. Now I want to be the spiritual leader in my home. Thank you so much. Your ministry saved… Read more “Anonymous 1”

Barbara A.

“Before the the Marriage Renewal Weekend I was absolutely sure I wanted out of my marriage! I would find myself thinking about things I would do and how my life would be without my husband. The weekend for us was nothing short of miraculous. I feel now that I can communicate my true feelings to… Read more “Barbara A.”

Mark K.

We had experienced many terrible hurts in our 19 years of marriage. I had severely neglected and mistreated my wife and she had ended up in an affair. Our marriage was filled with anger, distrust, and bitterness. There was no love, affection or closeness between us and were no longer soul mates we had once… Read more “Mark K.”

Anonymous 5

“This was our ‘Miracle Weekend.’ Experiencing the biblical steps to truly forgive my husband and let go was amazing. I’ve opened up to hearing and accepting what God wants to change in me. Prior to the weekend I didn’t believe I was critical or unforgiving, but I saw how I have been both – I… Read more “Anonymous 5”

David B.

I was unfaithful to my wife, and it destroyed my marriage. The marriage retreat weekend was the last resort for us, but we both decided to let God decide what He wanted us to do after this retreat. Before coming to the retreat, divorce was our only option, but not anymore. I have a lot… Read more “David B.”

C.K.

“The weekend was incredible! After 18 years of marriage and with two children our marriage was in shambles. Unresolved issues and painful events of the past had eroded our relationship to a point of despair We were disconnected and disgruntled, basically just coexisting under the same roof with little or no intimacy, just surviving, living… Read more “C.K.”

Rhonda A.

“About two years into our marriage my husband and I were talking about divorce. The tension and upset got so bad that we could hardly stand sleeping next to each other and nearly every comment either of us would make was taken wrongly by the other. It was utter agony because I loved him very… Read more “Rhonda A.”

James A.

“Our marriage was all but over. We were separated for 7 months. Toxins had invaded all parts of our once- Sacred partnership. But a miracle of God happened this weekend– I’ve been saved on so many levels – my life, my marriage, my salvation— I owe it to Jesus. He brought us here (over 1200… Read more “James A.”

Anonymous 8

“Our marriage was on the rocks for infidelity, and we had allowed our marriage to hit rock bottom due to neglect and lack of respect. We had spent thousands of dollars on therapy and our marriage had still not improved. Out of desperation to not destroy the lives of our 3 precious boys we came… Read more “Anonymous 8”

Amazing Testimonies of Marriages Saved

News Report:   54 Children 32 Adults Saved Imminent Distress of Family Breakdown Locations: Dallas, Texas  & Indianapolis, Indiana A New Beginning, Marriage Renewal Retreat Date:  April 1-3 2016  &  April 29-May 1, 2016,     Before this weekend my marriage was full of anger, resentment and little hope. The projects on confession and forgiveness… Read more “Amazing Testimonies of Marriages Saved”

News Report: 54 Children & 36 Adults Saved From Impending Collapse Location: Dallas, Texas Event: A New Beginning, Marriage Renewal Retreat Date: June 24-26, 2016 First-Hand Accounts From Those Rescued “My wife and I had hardly spoken in months. The projects and counseling helped us get back to a point where we are now communicating… Read more “”

J.A.

“We came here threadbare… honestly believing divorce was an eventual reality for us. We both dreaded it; but knew it was almost 100% assured. The conference was like spiritual surgery. Words can’t describe the transformative experience my wife and I had. We left with a renewed commitment to marriage. Thank you for such a comprehensive,… Read more “J.A.”

Anonymous 7

“Before we came to the marriage renewal weekend we were distant, cold, and angry with each other. Our only communication was arguing. Our marriage was so bad that we didn’t say a word to each other on the way to the retreat. But this was the shot in the arm our marriage so desperately needed.… Read more “Anonymous 7”

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Christian Counselors of Texas

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