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| Why do marriages fail? While the answers to that question are many and often complex, there is a growing body of research suggesting that there are four negative risk factors- four negative behavior patterns that create barriers in a marriage and increase a couple's chances for marital failure. In one key studiy, researchers followed a sample of 135 couples for twelve years, starting before they were married, and were able to differentiate those couples who do well from those who do not, with up to 91% accuracy.* Crucial to the success of any marriage is for couples to eliminate or reduce the occurrence of these four risk factors. Previously we discussed Escalation* and Invalidation. Now, let's take a look at a third one - Negative Interpretations. "And God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them" (Genesis 1:27).
God did a wonderful thing when He created man and woman so differently. The differences between man as male and woman as female were intended to usher in many special blessings (Genesis 1:28). Unfortunately, because of the fall, the blessings of the sexes became the battle between the sexes. The unique qualities with which God endowed each, now give rise to misunderstanding and conflict rather than completion and harmony.
America now stands at a moment of decision. Will this nation allow the destruction of marriage as the most important unit of civilization itself? For years now, gay activists and left-wing judges have been playing politics with the Constitution, attempting to force a process against the will of the people that would legalize homosexual marriage and deal a devastating blow to the traditional family. Again we must fight this crucial battle to protect the institution of marriage. If passed, the Marriage Protection Amendment (S.J. Resolution 1) will ensure that our children inherit a world in which marriage means the union of a man and a woman.
President Bush, affirming his support for the Marriage Protection Amendment, said, "After more than two centuries of American jurisprudence, and millennia of human experience, a few judges and local authorities are presuming to change the most fundamental i As I sipped my Starbucks and browsed the "Marriage" section at Barnes and Noble, a large, glossy, coffee-table book caught my eye. It was titled The Greatest Weddings of All Time. It featured media stars like Prince Charles and Princess Diana, Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio, Ted Turner and Jane Fonda. The Greek language has four different words for love, describing the many dimensions of loving relationships. Understanding what real love is can transform your marriage. "To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part."
Do you remember those words you spoke on your wedding day? All couples start out saying the right things. But words alone are not what makes a marriage last a lifetime.
While the answers to that question are many and often complex, there is a growing body of research suggesting that there are four negative risk factors- four negative behavior patterns that create barriers to oneness in marriage and increase a couple's chances for marital failure. In one of the key studies, researchers followed a sample of 135 couples for twelve years, starting before they were married. The researchers found that using only data from before the couple married, they were able to differentiate those couples who do well from those who do not, with up to 91% accuracy.* Over the past 15 years I've worked with couples at various stages in their marriages, from engaged couples preparing for marriage, to married couples disengaging from marriage, and all kinds of couples in between. And I'd say beyond a doubt, one of the main ingredients of a healthy marriage is "how couples listen to each other." Most couples enter marriage with engines revved up, but sooner or later find their relationship "missing" on one or two cylinders. Their once smooth-running machine begins to knock and sputter. Boredom sets in, passion wanes, criticism and conflict become more frequent.
If the warning lights have you gripping the wheel, don't panic. They may not indicate major trouble, but simply telling you what needs attention. |
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