Does Your Marriage Need a Tune-Up?
By Roy M. Milam
Most couples enter marriage with engines revved up, but sooner or later find their relationship "missing" on one or two cylinders. Their once smooth-running machine begins to knock and sputter. Boredom sets in, passion wanes, criticism and conflict become more frequent.
If the warning lights have you gripping the wheel, don't panic. They may not indicate major trouble, but simply telling you what needs attention.
These are normal responses to the challenges of everyday marriage and it doesn't necessarily mean you're on the verge of a breakdown. But these kinds of feelings and behaviors can be similar to the warning lights on your dashboard, and they shouldn't be ignored. When you see them, it's always wise to stop and check things out. All that may be needed is some minor adjustments and routine maintenance. It may just be time for a tune-up.
Steps to take to check it out:
(1) Find out what the maintenance schedule requires. For example, late-model marriages equipped with PMM (Periodic Marriage Maintenance) make some adjustments (such as counseling) unnecessary.
(2) Read your owner's manual (the Bible) to get an idea of what applications your relationship needs. To perform critical maintenance services review and follow these important maintenance guidelines: 1 Peter 3:7 and Ephesians 5:24-31.
(3) Assess the general condition of your marriage to spot problems. Complete the checklist below, and check your score:
Warnings: *
Avoid the "If it ain't broke don't fix it mentality." That mindset can be costly in a marriage too!
*Never go to a secular counselor and ask him/her to "do whatever it needs" unless you want to be taken for a ride and be advised to get a divorce.
Maintenance Precautions:
*
Experts say that your marriage is unlikely to need a psychological intervention at every tune-up, but suggest a biblical intervention is more comprehensive.
*Most newer model marriages (2000 and up) don't need tune-ups until 2 years or 24,000 miles. On most al models the spiritual fuel injection system needs to be cleaned and re-charged at this time.
*Older models may need a major tune-up if regular routine maintenance has not been performed.
Marriage Maintenance Checklist
Check True or False
(see directions below to calculate your marriage maintenance score)
1. We enjoy doing small things together, like folding laundry or watching TV. True □ False □
2. I look forward to spending my free time with my mate. True □ False □
3. At the end of the day, my mate is glad to see me. True □ False □
4. When I share, my mate is attentive and values my ideas and feelings. True □ False □
5. I'm very satisfied with my mate's sensitivity in meeting my sexual needs. True □ False □
6. I consider my partner a very close friend. True □ False □
7. We prioritize frequent times of quality talking and having dates together. True □ False □
8. My partner and I pray together regularly as a couple. True □ False □
9. We usually resolve our conflicts quickly and amicably. True □ False □
10. We both frequently express our appreciation for, or complement each other. True □ False □
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Give yourself one point for each true answer.
If you score 8 or above, your marriage is considered strong. If you score below 5, your marriage could use some improvement. You need to get in soon for a Marriage Renewal Weekend!
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