Enhance Your Romance
By Sue Milam
Do you remember what it was like when the two of you first fell in love and got married? Those feelings of romantic love that a husband and wife share are so essential in a marriage. Most couples start out their marriage with passion. Yet for most, time seems to erode away slowly but surely the affection, tenderness, and sensitivity.
Some marriage counselors advise couples to accept the loss of romantic love as inevitable: Enjoy romantic love while it lasts, but don't expect it to continue. When you lose that loving feeling just rise to a higher form of passionless love. But Roy and I have found that couples don't have to accept the loss of romantic love as inevitable. Instead, they can rekindle the romantic feelings of love when they understand the dynamics of romantic love.
I used to think that being romantically in love required extravagant settings, candle lights, music, red roses and chocolates. Certainly those things can be romantic, but after being married for ten years, I'm convinced that romance is sometimes that but much more.
In his book, Holding On To Romance, best selling author and therapist, Norman Wright points out that although a sensational setting may add to romance, it's not what makes up the essence of romance. He says, "we can put a lot of thought and energy into creating mountain-top romantic settings, moods and occasions, but none of these can substitute for the daily expressions, words and actions necessary for true romance."
In other words, romance is built upon the caring actions and seemingly "little" things that each partner gives to the other, like meeting needs, tenderness, consideration, sensitivity, thoughtfulness, and listening so that meaningful communication occurs.
We've found that our romance is enhanced not just by those "spectacular" romantic occasions but also by simple caring actions in our day-to-day living. We enjoy holding hands while taking an evening walk and sharing with each other about our day and our plans for tomorrow. Sometimes we spread a blanket on the back lawn, enjoy a starlit night, and reminisce about a fun vacation we had. Occasionally, after the kids are gone to bed, we’ll sit close to each other for “couch time,” and daydream about our next weekend getaway. Or at bedtime, we'll put on our favorite classical music and treat each other to a relaxing massage. Periodically, I find sticky notes that Roy has posted in surprise places around the house, reminding me of his love and what he most appreciates about me.
It’s amazing how with just a little effort, romance is greatly enhanced. By something as simple as a kind word, a compliment, a "thank you'", a glance, a hug, a smile, a simple note, or just holding hands. They’re things that aren’t particularly time consuming or difficult to do. But more than anything just require slowing down, thinking creatively, and being willing to change our routine. That’s what creates romance- taking time for each other, and making your mate feel special, and valued and loved.
So why not just on Valentines day but all year through, look for ways to enhance your romance and do something simple everyday and celebrate your love.
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